Betrayal.......an outcome of Expectations

Its really surprising that people can be so materialistic in this world. Though some would argue this thought of mine with instances and aquaintances of their own......but the underlined matter remains unchanged. It depends on a person's perspective. Some are practical enough to keep most of their relations superficial like business deals.....however what about people like us!!! People who believe in keeping relations as a long term attachment.....a long term commitment.
While the former develop groups and connections the latter species at the end of it all get what was least expected.......Betrayal!!!!
The very word chills down the warmth of heart and mind. The emotions and feelings are not only hurt....they are left tortured.....twisted and demented!!!! But why does this happen to us?????? This is a question that looms large on our minds long after.........answer to which is never found or deduced from the large permutations and combinations we do later regarding our actions....thoughts and emotions.
I am a victim of such situations....so I can fully relate myself to this post.
This has not happened to me once or twice but innumerable times. Just when I start believing ....just when I start trusting.....all that is shattered to pieces so relentlessly that I can't even collect the bits and pieces of my emotions.
Tears sometimes flow down my eyes thinking why does happen to me always. Why am I the one always targetted??? Why am I the one who inspite of sincerity and faith gets nothing in return??? The answer does lie in one of my questions..... EXPECTATION!!! I think instead of thinking so much what I should ask to myself is that Why do i expect???? But then again I know its human nature. Everyone in this world expects something or the other. Even our prayers to God are filled with Expectations. I say its not unfair to Expect after all insanity would prevail in this world without it. But do we Expect from the right person?????
This is a question which people like me need to rethink over and over again. I know someone would say that in Gita, Lord Krishna said....."Do your actions without Expecting an outcome" but then again even the Pandavas expected a win out of the Epic war in Mahabharata. So its justified to Expect but the way we do it is important.
Coming back to the topic......I must say I am quite an emotional person. It takes me sometime to gel with people as years of betrayal as hardened me somehow from the top. But deep inside its still soft and tender. Those who manage to break through the top shell devour the inner core to their satisfaction and then throw me at the most dingy and meanest corner of
their lives. When this happens the only thing that remains is to sit back and wonder what went wrong on my part. Sometimes the mind asks to get back and apologise for the mistakes......sometimes it advises to selflessly turn around to those people. The latter is what I am trying to get used to these days. The latest pain inflicted upon me was when I was ripped apart by the materialistic attitude of the person I considered my best friend for more than a decade. I wonder even after being together for so much time....how can one be so mean,rude and selfish???? How can he utilise you to iron out all his problems and then blame you to be a proud n egoistic brat???? How could I be egoistic to a person I have been with for so long.....a person whom I thought to be my closest ally!!!
Maybe this is what the reality is.....you are just scented tissue papers to them which are thrown off once they lose their fragrance. Those who have come in terms with this aspect have learnt the way to deal with them.......but what about me.....I still have not come in terms with the reality. That's why I keep committing this mistake time and again. Is this my simplicity or my arrogance of not accepting the true fact which is responsible for this....something which still remains to be answered. Somehow....Sometimes I fail to gauge the true story behind smiling faces and sweet words. Maybe its high time I stopped expecting even the slightest from people......and even if in the process of doing so, voice them out loudly to the person so that the true self comes out at the earliest!!!!
I have been crashed and burnt several timessss......but now I will rise from my ashes....more determined than before!!!!!