The Memoirs of my first love !!!!

Loneliness.......Betrayal......these were topics I wrote about in my last few articles. Before anybody start labelling me up as tragic or serious writer......I believe I should discuss some more lighter shades of my life. Some of those moments which touched me like gentle and fragrant breeze thereby leaving an indelible feeling. This article narrates the story regarding the first and only love till date of my life. The woman whom I found to fit appropiately into the mould of my dreamzzzzzz..........

This story dates back to the year 2003....when I was into second year of my college. I was doing mechanical engineering and had to travel a distance of almost 50kms to Greater noida to attend my college. We had a bus service running from Dhaula Kuan which touched most parts of South Delhi before crossing the Yamuna and moving into Uttar Pradesh. A lot of my batchmates from other branches accompanied in the bus. The journey generally used to be quite a fun for us. We used to play cards,precisely either Bluff or Rummy. I remember to have mastered the art of Bluffing quite nicely and became quite fond of amongst the girls as teaming up with me would ensure them a win. Apart from this churning out hit numbrs on the cd player,singing,dancing,cracking PJ's,teasing were some other activities quite prevalent . Some romantic involvements too kicked off during this time. Summation of all this can be easily percieved as one of the memorable journeys undertaken in life. This romantic encounter of mine too started on one such journey. The only difference being that the girl belonged to a different college and it took me almost a couple of years to start a conversation with her.

Prerna(name changed to preserve anonymity) as I would like to call her henceforth throughout in this article. I chose this name somewhat symbolically as she was indeed an inspiration of some sorts in my life.

There wasn't much in the name of daily conversations, though we greeted each other with a timely "Hi" or "Hello" everytime our we surpassed each other. The whole third semester passed and during fourth semester it was sessionals time in our college before final exams.

I still recollect that day.......we had our last exam of the highly crucial sessionals. I was 5:45 in the evening. As usual we all had gathered at a common spot from where we used to board our respective conveyances. She was there in front of me discussing something with her friend. I was busy messaging someone when the guy standing next to me made a loud comment regarding something . Suddenly my attention was drawn,.....I looked up and added a pun to it.....which led to a laugh riot amongst the people sitting next to us. Prerna too turned towards me and gave me a smile and her eyes flashed as she looked at me. For a moment everything seemed to have come to a halt around me. Everything around got blurred except her face. My eyes didn't blink for even a second......and I tried to regain myself back from that sudden impetus. What was this????? Why suddenly all the world seemed to be fading out all around me???? Why was I feeling ecstatic and hypnotized???? All through the journey I kept looking at her......managing to somehow not give her an obvious stare. My mind seemed to have been flying on the seventh heaven and was in no mood to descend back to earth. I was not able to think of anything else except for her. Soon she left but still my eyes were fixed on the place where she was sitting. My heart was pounding against my chest and I could feel the beats..........

Upon reaching home I headed straight to my room and locked myself in as I didn't want any interference for sometime. I recalled the whole event and tried to analyse the situation. This was something I was pretty used to for a long time.....all these smiles were regular offerings I got from the fairer side but, never before had I felt such an urge of responding to them.Something was unusually special about this smile.......something which seperates gold from bronze.......crystals from diamonds..........it was the cutest smile I had ever seen till date. The flash of the eyes seemed to quitely say something to me......something which would touch the soul and reveal itself. I began to think of this as an infactuation......an attraction towards a lady who was distinguished enough from others. So I decided to take sometime before drawing a conclusion about my feelings. Next few months passed by drawing inferences from my mental state and feelings every time I saw her. Each time the bus approached near her stop.......I went into a state of shock n awe.....for a moment I couldn't see anything else except her. Even the very mention of her name made my heart leap with joy. There was something about her which seperated the whole world from her......something which made her worthy of being respected and admired......something which had made me crazy about her......something which made me FALL FOR HER!!!! Yes, after months of speculations and judgements the verdict was out.....I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER!!! The only woman I have really loved till date.....the only woman I would have committed to without a second thought !!!!

Rest two years passed with me trying to muster courage to go upto her and start a conversation with her. The only thing that pulled me back was that I didn't want to impose myself on her. I wanted to have a meaningful oppurtunity in which I could strike a chat between us. Finally the almighty answered my prayers and I got her first message in the Diwali of 2005. That was the most brightest Diwali of my life till date. This was followed up by a second message and a call from her on 31st Dec'2005.....i.e on the New Year's eve. Though we chatted for approximately 3-4 minutes but obviously it was the best start I could have ever achieved to a brand new year. After that there was a never ending array of messages and calls between us. We shared a lot of stories and events between us. Subsequently I did reveal my feelings for her and she was very sweet to have taken all that in a good spirit. She questioned me on all the events that had happened and like a pre-recorded tape I narrated each and every event to her. I still remember ,she always used to say that "Amby,why are you so afraid of discussing things. If you won't tell me then how would I be able to know and understand your feelings". She was quite interested in knowing everything in detail and listened with utmost attention.After that our bonds grew even stronger. I shared each and every moment of happiness with her. But on the contrary deep in my mind I knew that to get into a relationship needs the consideration of a lot of other factors . I put forward my stand to her and she appreciated me a lot and said "I have started to respect you more for this,you are really a gem of a person". She too said to me that she didn't want a relationship as she had grown a distinctive dislike seeing her other siblings. In clear terms too I always knew that it was basically a one sided flow of feelings and emotions. But nevertheless the beautiful and divine friendship we had.....was much more than anything else. No other relation could have even matched up to its intensity. She was truly a Best Friend I could have ever had..........Today she is married and no one will be more content than me on seeing her happily settled. After all love is all about giving and not expecting anything in return. Its happiness and satisfaction which I had always wished for her and maybe I was always true in doing so.The reason my prayers were answered in Heavens!!!! She might not be a part of my life today as I would have dreamt .......she might not be the woman I would have loved to see as my wife.....but nonetheless her memories will linger throughout till my last breath.:-)